Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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