Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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