doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
