I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
