My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
