5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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