Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
