we're blogging at a bar
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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