The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
