Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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