dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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