Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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