That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I want to make a zoo with you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need to calm my uterus...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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