Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
