I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
