did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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