Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
