So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
