I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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