i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
