Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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