I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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