instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
