One girl and one boy is just not enough.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
