Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
