I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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