I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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