would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
