Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
