Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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