Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
