Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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