tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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