Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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