He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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