Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
