Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
