It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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