The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found puke in my bra..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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