you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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