Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
