My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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