What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
