I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
