Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
