I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
