All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
