actually, I'm a sock model
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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