dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
