We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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