if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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