Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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