I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
vagina is talking i cant
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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