she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
