ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
