As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
