i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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