That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
