It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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