then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
