Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
