you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
