everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
