Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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