You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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