I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
