She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
