he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
