So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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