The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
