i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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