I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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