I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
