so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
