You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
